21 & 22 – sacred space, dreams, rituals

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he is my sacred space

laying him down to sleep is the most heartwarming part of each day. after the stalling and “more water mama” and “i’m hungry” “i need socks” “my feet are too hot, i don’t want THESE socks” routine… we lay side by side, his head cradled in the nook of my arm… we lay in that sacred space, and hum lullabyes. the space between us is perfect: calm and peaceful. it is our time, our special place in the day’s business, to close our eyes and let the comfort of sleep whisk us away. “goodnight sweetheart, well, it’s time to goooo…”  i’ve been singing that to him since he first breathed air.

and so i dream of him

and them. his lost brothers and sisters. they run ahead of him, too fast for him to catch up. he reaches his hand out for theirs but they disappear in the blink of an eye. i dream of a life full of thankfulness, and empty of sorrow.

and when i wake in the middle of the night, i go to him

i have to make sure he is ok. he doesn’t stir. i check to see if he is breathing. check. is he warm enough. blankey,… check. i put his socks back on. check. i kiss him three times… forehead nose and lips. good night sweetheart. you are my favorite boy.

#captureyourgrief

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