day 17 – secondary losses

 loss caused by loss
when you lose a child, you lose more than just a chunk of your heart. more than the weight you will carry for the rest of your life. you lose exponentially more.

you lose all that might have been.

his soft skin. sweet coos. first giggles. first steps. the way his brother may have held him close to his own heart. matching pjs. snuggles, because he’s the baby. teaching him to ride a bike. kindergarten. hugs. t-ball games with big brother. vacations as a “whole” family. high school dances. teaching him to drive. sending him to college. walking him down the aisle. watching him grow to be the man you raised him to be.  seeing him with his own little ones, gentle and sweet. full heart and joyful spirit.

you will miss how much big brother would love him. hate him at times but love him forever. they would have each other long after we were gone. they would never feel alone. you lose so much more than a chunk of your soul.

oh, what might have been.


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