barely breathing

 i’m holding my breath. 

can’t exhale. if i do, everything will crumble.

i had egg retrieval yesterday. see above happy face just prior to the procedure. see how excited i was? So dumb. i was supposed to get at minimum four, hopefully five eggs. last IVF cycle we ended up with 9 eggs from 7 follicles. 

this time not so lucky. we got three. there are no words. 

taking no chances we had ICSI performed on them (read: sperm injected into egg).

and i sobbed. for a long, long time. three is practically none. i had 9 last time and ended up with empty arms so three is that much more devastating… because, odds. 

so i held my breath for the update call this morning. i slept like sh*t. stomach in knots. couldn’t even make words. they’re gonna tell me nothing fertilized, watch…

and yet they didn’t say that. 1 egg was mature on retrieval, and fertilized   after ICSI. the other 2 matured later that afternoon in the lab, were ICSI’d at that point, and also have fertilized. 

so we still have 3. we live to see another day. 

small victories. i could use all the good juju in the world right now. i’m barely breathing, and i’ll be damned if I exhale. 

9 thoughts on “barely breathing

  1. Go eggs! But you need to take a deep breath and get some sleeps so those eggs can have a happy welcome. Your mom is praying and breathing.

    Like

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