time

time. it’s seriously dragging.

i hate the two week wait. all the excitement leading up to the IUI and now that the confetti has fallen and settled i am stuck in time. i stare at the calendar. the clock. so thankful that every time i go to bed i’m THAT much closer.

i hate that my life is measured in two week intervals. all right! period! wait two weeks. all right! ovulation/IUI/IVF!  wait two weeks. well GDit, period.  wait two weeks. etcetera. etcetera.

this has been my life for over 2 years now. two week waits. 52 two week waits. that is really depressing. putting that down on paper.

so how am i passing the time?

being a psycho of course! conducting an experiment. as time is ever-so-cruelly testing my patience, i am testing out the trigger shot. to recap, 8 days ago i stabbed myself with some HCG, a “trigger shot” to ensure my body would gear up to correctly ovulate on time. it’s never a guarantee, but it’s the closest thing we have known to magicians.  well, that HCG trigger shot is HCG, the hormone detected in your pee that lights up the pee sticks if you’re pregnant. so i injected myself with it, and starting peeing on sticks the very next day. every day i pee on a stick. i told you i had a problem.  theoretically, i should be getting positive pregnancy tests from that day until the day when my body has metabolized all the HCG, in which case, the pee stick would only have 1 line, not 2 (read: you’re not actually pregnant you psycho, it was just the trigger).  When I did my IVF cycle it took 14 days for the trigger shot to be out of my system. this time, for the IUI, my trigger shot was 1/4 the strength of that IVF trigger shot. so in my head, i think… well, 1/4 of 14 is 3.5 days. right?

well, not exactly. math doesn’t always apply to your carbon-based body.  there are things like half-lifes, and hydration status, and time of pee to take into account, way too many science-y variables.

since i’m no scientist, and fully admitting my pee stick addiction, i shall continue to carry out my experiment in hopes that the 2nd line fades away only to return with gusto.

it’s now been 7 days post-trigger shot. i can estimate i am 6dpo (days post-ovulation). there is seriously no chance in hell anyone gets a positive pregnancy test this early. it’s like scientifically impossible. but i can’t stop staring at today’s test (4/15) and thinking “is that line darker than yesterday’s???” yes people, i am fully owning the crazy. so i continue to wait for time to hurry up already. the next couple of days will be telling.

put on your pee-stick glasses people…

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7 thoughts on “time

  1. Hmm…well, I dunno, but I’m peering rather closely at #7… I’m kinda with you on that one…
    Also, loving that it’s perfectly okay to squint at other people’s pee-sticks. Sharing is caring!

    Liked by 1 person

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