salmon, of all things


aaaaaaand we’re off! we officially had the IUI done, thursday actually.  nothing like a turkey basting first thing in the morning to wake you up. in actuality, i had worked alllllll night long so it was a perfect finish to an otherwise hellacious shift. magician was VERY excited to see three gorgeous follies still in place, and they had grown beautifully. THREE mature ones! he actually smiled. 2 on the right and 1 on the left.  (you can see them on the ultrasound picture, right above my tiny baby jesus good luck charm.)

magician smiled AGAIN after amazing husband contributed his, er, gift. there is a minimum requirement, if you will, to be able to proceed with turkey basting. 10 million guys “post-wash”.  magician would’ve fist pumped over our 67 million, but i’m pretty sure his quiet asian persona wouldn’t allow it. instead, he smiled. i’ll take that smile any day. and after a date with the dildo cam, to measure uterine lining, he smiled AGAIN AND AGAIN.

here is baby jesus blessing the dildo cam. because, why not.


IUI went off without a hitch, legs up for 10 min (okay 15 because i’m extra-nervous), and see you in 2 weeks he says. things could not have looked better. squee!

and then things got weird.

magician, in his moment of happiness and pride, told us he recently took an Alaskan vacation and that we should really look into doing it. okay… we’ll look right into that. huh? then he tells us that on said vacation, he took a small plane to a salmon fishery and what he witnessed there blew his magical mind.  okay, now i’m intrigued… continue… he dives right in to how he essentially witnessed salmon IVF.

i’m sorry, come again? 

apparently these male salmon were belly-sliced from mouth to tail and their, er, contribution squeezed out into a 10 gallon bucket from Costco or something. and then the same for the female salmon: slice, squeeze, eggs in the bucket. and then with a giant paddle (think row boat) and a few swift stirs, new baby salmon were soon created.  as he talked, he eyes grew wide with excitement. he was like a kid in a candy shop, if by candy we meant fish sperm. the funniest (?) part was the degree to which he was impressed by the quantity of the male salmon’s donation, per se. he used the term “incredible” at least 17 times while describing it. let’s be honest, this might have been the most bizarre story and yet it was hilarious, especially in the context of our turkey basting experience. we all laughed for bit, and as he left the room i could hear him muttering “incredible” over and over.

so start the clock! i’m officially peeing on all the sticks starting next sunday. and now i’m off to find a good salmon recipe.

Posted in IUI

One thought on “salmon, of all things

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