i’ve been a busy girl these days. school. work. precepting for school. (read: more school on top of regular school.) precepting at work. (read: more work at work)
and then life. daily grind. laundry. cleaning. grocery shopping. infertility. you know, the usual.
coming off last month’s chemical pregnancy i dug down deep and jumped right back on the horse. because, why not. the clock is ticking. no time to waste. however, this cycle i decided to step back a bit from heavy duty injectable meds and instead swallowed some pills. so much easier! part of me felt like my body needed a bit of a break to re-set. like, were allllllll those super-strong meds messing me up? maybe. maybe not. but this is what i felt comfortable with.
so these pills are called Clomid. and damn are they cheap! like $40! you might be like, wait, aren’t you doing things kind of backwards in the infertility realm of treatments? yup. because, why not. most people start out on Clomid because it’s cheap, relatively harmless, and just helps you ovulate. it’s like the gateway drug to IVF. i’ve never taken Clomid before because i never had a problem ovulating. but a cool thing about it is can help you ovulate more than 1 egg. so i was all about trying it in place of injects and so was magician. so i popped those pills for 5 days and lo and behold i got THREE dominant follicles growing, TWO of which are on righty (the side with the tube). that never happens! in fact, the last 2 months i’ve stabbed myself with injects only to get 1 follicle. go figure!
i also had asked magician if i could repeat the dye test (HSG) to make sure that tube was working (read: open). not that i like to put myself through torture, sure i do, but i wanted to KNOW that the tube was open. andplusalso some research says you have increased fertility within 3 months of doing the HSG, yes please. i wanted to see improvements. i wanted to see that contrast shoot into my belly like 4th of july fireworks. so i had another hysterosalpingogram done. and boy was it as painful as it is to spell. think of someone wielding metal parts in the center of your body. it felt THAT good. and this time there was no question about the tube: the radiologist said she saw NO dye flow through the end of the tube. read: that tube is blocked.wait, what? closed for business. door shut. talking with her at great length she said *maybe* she *might* have seen some dye spill into my abdomen on the very last image. but she was wringing her hands as she said this, a pained expression on her face. well now i feel totally confident, thanks.
so i panicked. what is the point now of doing ANYTHING other than IVF?? if that tube is blocked, every IUI is pointless. timed sex is pointless. everything under the sun is pointless except for IVF.
but wait, i JUST got pregnant last month. how is that tube closed? the swimmers have to meet the egg and if that tube is blocked they could never meet up, right? that was magician’s point. so you see my conundrum… i have 1 doctor telling me my tube is useless and to do IVF only. and i have another doctor telling me my tube HAS to be open since i got pregnant after having the ectopic. um… totally easy decision to make, right? should i scrap this cycle and just jump into pre-IVF workup? or do i take a chance that radiologist was wrong, there was a miniscule flow of contrast through that tube? in which case continue pouring money and time and energy into non-IVF cycles? ugh.
science is such an art. and infertility is full of gray areas. i am craving the black and white, though i know i’ll never have it.
after thinking on it for a while, i decided to go for it and probably will do an IUI this weekend. the way i figured, i already took the meds. i’m halfway into the month. what’s another couple hundred dollars when you’re already neck-deep, right? just a drop in the bucket. because, why not.
but if this cycle is a bust we are doing IVF next month. and damnit body, you better get with the program.