back to the races

well it’s showtime again. i’ve got my ticket in hand and fancy hat on, ready to get these horses running already. had my break. it was good. now let’s do this.

SO. went to see magician last week (i know! i’ve been meaning to update but this thing called the holidays happened and well, nothing got accomplished except cocktails every night and pie. lots and lots of pie). i had been taking estrogen and progesterone for a bit to “calm down the horses” and help get them lined up in the gate. on monday i had an ultrasound (oh dildo cam, how i missed you not) and the horses looked good. sigh of relief. except wait what? there appeared to be 2 possible cysts on righty. of course it’s righty. the very same guy who didn’t show up to play in IVF 1.0 is acting a fool again. magician said let’s take the hormones for 2 more days and then i’ll see you friday (yesterday). if everything looks good, we’ll start meds for IVF 2.0. sweet.

so yesterday i had another ultrasound. righty was beautiful. no cysts. HALLELUJAH. horses were lined up at 4-5mm each. HOORAY! magician used the word “fabulous.” it’s hard to please him so i was tickled pink. let’s do this!! IVF 2.0 here we come.

aaaand cue rug getting pulled out: lefty now had a “possibly pre-recruited” follie at 10mm. all the other follies were 4-5mm. pre-recruited means my body had chosen this horse to be the dominant one. ultimately meaning he thought this horse might had left the gate already. WTF body. thanks a lot. magician was quiet. face scrunched up. he spent 19 minutes rubbing his chin, contemplating his next trick. no joke. i watched the clock. after what felt like eternity he ultimately came down to 2 possible WTF situations and how we would proceed.

A) this horse has left the gate. which means the other horses will not catch up in time no matter how much stimulation medication i take. IVF 2.0 will be cancelled (because it’s a total waste to do the whole shebang for 1 follie). instead, we will convert this cycle to an IUI. imagine a turkey baster… yup. that’s IUI. we would do a small dose of meds over the weekend and another ultrasound Monday. if follie has grown, we will continue to monitor growth and time the IUI procedure with ovulation. and pray for a miracle. with taking some stimulation meds we are hoping for multiple follies to form and mature in time rather than just the 1 my body would normally make each month. you know, the more follies the more chances there’s an egg in there that ISN’T an old lady egg with abnormal chromosomes. READ: a take-home baby.

B) this horse hasn’t left the gate, it’s actually a cyst that showed up to f*ck everything up. magician said he’s seen it happen where that big one actually is a cyst and doesn’t affect the IVF cycle from proceeding. [but wasn’t he worried about the possible 2 cysts on righty?] with all the chin-stroking i don’t feel confident. so, if monday’s ultrasound shows it hasn’t grown i think magician will say we can continue with IVF 2.0. but i am going to put the breaks on it. no thanks. this is my last shot. we cannot financially do IVF 3.0. this is it. this has to be perfect. i’m not comfortable moving forward with this already rocky start. it has to be textbook. or pretty damn close to textbook. since nothing about baby-making for me is textbook.

so that’s where we are. i’m taking small dose meds this weekend and anxiously awaiting monday’s appointment. and surprisingly i feel okay about this cycle NOT being my IVF cycle. i actually feel relaxed about everything. i’m not biting my nails with each appointment. i’m not staying up at night worried about this or that. maybe because this isn’t my first rodeo? or perhaps the break was exactly what i needed to get in the right frame of mind. or maybe it was all the cocktails. whatever the case, i somehow am feeling stronger this time around. and i like it.

photo (23)

One thought on “back to the races

  1. Sweetie Mama, 2015 is your year. We have hundreds praying for this! God will listen. Have faith. Follow God’s plan for you.


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