four.

magician: okay so we still have four embryos growing. oh thank you baby jesus

:::letting out a sigh of relief:::

magician: they look.. “okay.” not textbook by any means. nothing about my body has been textbook so let’s not be too surprised. out of the original 4 that fertilized on day 1, 1 has stopped growing. damn. but 1 of the original 4 that had not fertilized on day 1 is in fact growing. apparently that egg was immature at retrieval time but matured enough in the lab to be able to fertilize. that’s the donkey egg, i just know it.

magician: i need to see how they look tomorrow morning before i can decide if we should transfer them back tomorrow or wednesday. ideally we want to see 4 good embryos in order to wait the full 5 days to transfer… so it will come down to the wire.

me: i know you give the embryos grades, to sort of score them on their development right? am i crazy?

magician: oh yes, let’s talk about that. all of your embryos are grade 2, 1 of them is a 4-celled embryo, the other 3 are 2-celled. we generally like to see them be 4-celled at this point, but 2-celled isn’t bad. okay… um… I will call you at 9 tomorrow morning and at that point you will either come in in 30 minutes or maybe we can push it to Wednesday.

magician: okay bye now. *click*

fin.

me: :::speechless::: like an idiot i probably should’ve asked what the grading scale is. 0 – 2? 0 – 5? 0 to 100???  so i consulted Dr. Google like every insane person would. don’t do that. bad idea. it just makes you feel like sh*t. looks like most IVF clinics give embryos grades on 0 – 4 or 0 – 5. 0 is the worst, as in, the embryo is so jacked up it will never make a baby. 4 or 5 (depending on who you talk to) are the best, most gorgeous embryos. like, hollywood glam. symmetrical. voluptuous. seamless. no grainy bits. no extra pieces. not like mine. mine are keeping the pattern of staying kind of sort of ugly. like an off-Broadway act. at least they are dependable? i joke here because i have to. i am terrified. terrified that we may have only 1 “okay” looking one tomorrow. or none at all. or if i still have 4 what do we decide to do? you only have to take into account about 18127 things. just a small decision, really.

so that’s where we stand people. 3 horses and a donkey. not sure how i feel about that. oh wait yes i do… all i can feel is nerves.

this waiting is for the birds.

Posted in IVF

One thought on “four.

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