the wait just got harder

it’s day 1 post-egg retrieval. i’m sitting here holding the phone, willing it to ring for the last 2 hours. desperate to hear how my eggs are doing. my babies.

ring ring ring. holy crap. this is it.

magician: okay so we retrieved 9 eggs. 7 were mature. YESSSSSSS. The 2 eggs that were classified as immature were placed in a petri dish and coincubated with sperm (the sperm swim around it like what would happen in your body). 1 of those fertilized. Wow! That’s surprising. Ok great, what about the mature ones, get to those… Out of those 7 we performed ICSI (injecting a single sperm into the egg to ensure only 1 sperm fertilizes it). Only 3 have fertilized.

wait, what? no. only 3? wait, is this a joke?

The rest of the conversation was a blur. magician was telling me my eggs don’t look normal, something about granules and other unattractive qualities. so i have ugly eggs. i know this. old lady eggs. i asked him is it normal to have <50% of your ICSI eggs fertilize and he said no, it’s more like 75% usually fertilize. but he also said he’s seen them fertilize late too. he said just because i have ugly eggs doesn’t mean i can’t get pregnant. um… okay.

so all in all not a great report. not even a good report really. but it can always be worse i suppose. none of them could have fertilized. i keep telling myself i thought i was only going to have 5. and i got 9. and at the same time i am praying for the eggs to somehow pick up the pace and catch up. i am praying for the impossible.  magician said he would call tomorrow morning with another report and we would then determine what day to transfer them…

so i continue to wait. and stare at the clock. it’s completely out of my hands.

:::audible sigh:::

Posted in IVF

4 thoughts on “the wait just got harder

  1. Oh man that is not a great way to stay the weekend, is it! I can imagine how frustrated you must be. I found it even more frustrating because it’s completely out of our hands. (As if it would make it any easier if we were calling the shots) I’m sending you and your eggs done warm wishes! Xx


    1. thank you so much for your thoughts!! having been through it yourself i know you know how hard this is. letting go of the control has been almost impossible… sending you warm wishes during your break cycle!


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