this is getting real folks. this weekend a giant box arrived, a box filled with all kinds of goodies. my baby box, i suppose. and when i opened it up my jaw dropped. wow. that is a lot of medication. this is what $4000 looks like. these are my meds for this ONE cycle of IVF. ouch. see all those long pink thingies? needles. those beauts go right in the kisser. OY. this is getting real. i’ve been stabbing myself three times a day for the last three days. it’s actually not that bad. the menopur stings like a bitch but i remind myself mid-stabbing that a baby is totally worth that sharp burn. this is what my stomach looks like after 12 stabs.
not too bad right? the bruised ones are from the menopur. jerky menopur.
this is getting real. i saw the magician today for a routine ultrasound to check out how the follicles are growing. magician is a bit of an odd dude, he likes to use metaphors to explain intricate scientific processes. he likens IVF to horse racing. of course he does. they are so similar.
he is special. so during IVF, you want your follicles to line up and grow at the same rate so they are all mature at the same time when you go to take them out. your follicles are the horses… before the race starts, the horses (follies) are lead into the gate (ovary) and they allllll line up there at the same time, waiting for the gun and the gate to open (this is the suppression part of IVF). when the gun goes off (when you start injecting the stimulation medications), the gates are flung open and the horses start racing (growing). the trick here is to get the horses to run at the same speed. you don’t want one horse to take off and leave the others in the dust because then you have a dominant horse (dominant follie) and that is no bueno. on the other hand, you don’t want the horses to be lazy out of the gate either. it’s a complicated process, this IVF business.
it got real today. ultrasound was done to see how my horses were running. my left ovary has 7 horses. YEAH! that’s a wonderful number for me, let’s not forget i have the old lady eggs. all the horses looked relatively the same size and beautifully round. magician actually smiled when he saw that. he never smiles.
then it got more real. right ovary, the one the had cysts… the one that swelled up like crazy,… i saw it giving me the middle finger. ZERO horses on that side. none. nil. nada. what in the ever loving (insert expletive of your choice here)… :::Audible sigh::: magician was perplexed, he said “hmm” 4 times. FOUR. you never want magician to be perplexed. he said the small simple cyst like i had shouldn’t be toying with stimulation of that ovary. but i kindly reminded him that my body is jacked up and doesn’t play by the rules. he almost smiled at that.
then it got REALLY real. he decided to perform the “mock transfer” which is a trial run for the big day. he put this long catheter alllll the way into my uterus (feels really good, said no one ever) to measure how deep it needs to be in order to plant the embies exactly in the right spot. wow. we are talking about implanting already. time is flying!
so all in all, despite my right ovary acting like a fool, magician says there is a good number of follies on my left ovary and we should still proceed with IVF as planned. if for some reason there are less than 4-5 follies by egg retrieval date then we will talk about converting to an IUI cycle instead of IVF. i don’t even want to go into detail of what that means yet because i refuse to believe this is going to do anything but work out perfectly. power of positive mental attitude. i continue to do acupuncture weekly, and i scheduled 2 sessions for before-and-after embryo transfer day. research shows there might be some improvement in pregnancy rates if you do acupuncture at those intervals. i also started listening to these audio tracks that incorporate visualization and meditation. like biofeedback stuff. and i even stopped drinking caffeine. hell, i said i’ll try anything. and as much as that sucks, i believe it’s going to be worth it. i have to. this is my shot. this is it.
this is getting real!