day 1

photo (7)

beginning /biˈginiNG/ (noun): the point in time or space at which something starts.

dawn. inception. conception. birth. origination. genesis. emergence.

i’m going to call it adventure. i might end up calling it a total crapshoot but i’m feeling REALLY GOOD today so let’s stay positive and say adventure. magician gave us the green light to proceed with IVF today. wow. just writing that out makes my hands tremor just a little bit. this day has been in the making for so long now. so many weeks and months have passed trying to get to this point.  to this stepping stone.  this beginning.

undertaking IVF is a feat in and of itself.  the level of commitment to the process is unreal: first off, how do you afford it? In the lovely state of CA 99.9999% of insurances do not cover one lousy cent of infertility treatment.  I am in that lucky majority and am paying 100% out of pocket. the staggering cost of buying a baby (as i sometimes like to call it) gave us a heart attack. any reputable place will charge you $10K JUST for a single cycle. that’s ONE ATTEMPT at IVF. not including the medications to stimulate. those will cost you anywhere from $4-6K.  FOR ONE ATTEMPT. most clinics will offer a package deal… buy 1 cycle for $10K, 2 for $15K or 3 for $20K, because let’s face it… there’s no guarantee this will work so you might need more than 1 try. or 2. or 5.  add in almost daily ultrasounds, blood tests, etc and you’re looking at another $1k? oh and mock transfer. oh and anesthesia for retrieval. oh and storage of your embies. and freezing of said embies. it’s never ending. let’s just say it gonna cost you about $20,000.  FOR ONE ATTEMPT. breathe into this paper bag… sit down. it’s okay.

if you can recover from the heart attack inflicted by all those zeros, then you have to be able to commit physically.  supplements to increase your egg quality. increase protein intake. more water. less coffee. no booze. oh hell no. sleep more. stress less. (if you have discovered the secret to this, kindly let me know.) acupuncture. (check!). and the needles. forget not the needles.

ok so you are willing to drown in debt and stab yourself repeatedly. now you have to commit mentally and emotionally. and you have to be able to accept the results. good or bad. despite everything else, this part is going to be the hardest.  it requires that you take a leap of faith with no guarantees of any success.  a leap is an understatement. you are jumping out of an airplane hoping your parachute will open.  or like walking onto a car lot, plunking down all your hard-earned money as well as your still-beating heart and saying “maybe i’ll get to leave with a car.”

maybe.

maybe not.

so to know today starts our adventure makes me both thrilled and terrified all at once. but a little more thrilled. okay. a lot more thrilled. this is our time. i can feel it. thank you all for your continued support, i am going to need it these next few weeks. i start the stabbing on sunday. EEK!

Posted in IVF

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