silence is golden

photo (4)

often times i am too-easily caught up in the have-tos and can’t-waits of life. the mama-mama-mamas and honey-dos. how can you not? we’re out of milk. mama jezzie barfed. did you get my dry cleaning. what’s for dinner. my paper is due tomorrow and i should probably start it soon. the oven won’t turn on. jezzie barfed again. excuse me mister, put down the scissors right now. can you drop off my prescription on your way to work, i need it tomorrow. why is the dog barfing again. and so on and so forth.

i am too easily-caught up. stuck in the tangled web of daily stressors, weekly assignments, monthly bills. and this wouldn’t be an issue except i generally suck at restoration. not as in refurbishing an old vanity. more like putting a sheen on my soul. i am too easily a mom first and then a wife, and THEN i am me, someone who deserves some shining up with a little elbow grease but just can’t find the time to whip out that chamois. i am terrible at stopping, even for a moment. hell, i don’t even pause. it’s like i don’t know how to. there is too much going on to slow down. maybe that’s what i tell myself so i keep going going going? i don’t know. what i do know is that eventually the wheels will fall off and everything will come to a screeching halt. with the next few weeks about to test me in ways i can’t imagine, husband encouraged me to take a breather and spend part of my lousy 1 week off of school (aka summer “break”) doing something for ME. so i took some vacation days at work and committed to a mini-vacay with the in-laws in Palm Springs. why i didn’t do this sooner is beyond me. i may not come back to work.

one of my favorite days during this week “off” was when amazing husband drove us down to del mar for a day trip just because. toddler was with his Tata for the day/night. i made sure to pack his ear infection and lovely hand foot and mouth disease with him. ain’t nobody got time for that. we drove down the coast and said not one word to each other. it’s amazing how beautiful silence is. and i didn’t get beaned with a flying sippie cup either. bonus. got out of the car, walked (without having to haul 60lb of toys/bags/stroller) to a park by the beach, and laid out under a shady tree. listened to the waves. actually heard said waves. amazing. listened to the sound of my breathing. even listened to amazing husband tell me we could do whatever we wanted in this moment. and so we stayed there even longer. went and had lunch at a local brewery. i got to order food and eat it while it was still warm. beers at 2pm on a wednesday. because i could. drove back home in silence. beaming. splurged for dinner at javier’s and then laughed our asses off at mediocre comedy that night with some of our favorite friends. and promptly was asleep in bed by 11. i call that a win.

one of my other favorite things was watching my 3 year-old niece perform Frozen’s Let it Go. only without the singing. just 4+ minutes of longing gazes and emphatic hand gestures. Queen Elsa is working on her lyrics. a short-lived encore performance broke out shortly after, initiated by none other than my husky little man. however the flowers lining the “stage” suddenly proved too interesting and alas, the performance was cut short.

after this week of relaxation, i woke up in the morning with a smile. felt a little shinier too. and looking back… it didn’t take much to feel that way. just a little effort really. i guess the lesson here is “hey guess what, you are important too.” write that down mommies. and give yourself a shine. ❤

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